SpeakerNet News Word Contest

We have winners!

Inspired by the Washington Post’s Style Invitational section, we decided to run a word contest with the following rules: Take any word or term related to the speaking, training, and consulting fields; then make a small change to it and give it a new definition.

The entries poured in, over 230 in all, from many witty and clever readers. And our distinguished panel of judges—Dale Irvin, CSP, CPAE, Tim Gard, CSP, Eric Chester, CSP, and Ken Braly, BFD—pored over them and gave them ratings, which were used to determine the winners. So here they are!

First Place

Dishonorarium—Paltry pecuniary sum, often accompanied by a cheap plaque or unimaginative trinket, to patronize a speaker for waiving customary fees for a presentation (often offered under the guise of “great exposure” or “community service”)
Don Blohowiak

Second Place

Weenote—Keynote that gets cut very short due to time constraints or schedules that are “off”
Patti Branco

Third Place

Sermonar—Session held by a member of the Christian PEG
Michael Podolinsky

Honorable Mention

$peaker—Profe$$ional bu$ine$$ communicator who give$ in$pirational pre$entation$ in exchange for compen$ation
Ed Bell

Best Cellar—Where too many books end up
Steve Waterhouse

CSPre—Speaker who’s almost certified
Michael Podolinsky

Expertease—What you get from a consultant who only pretends to have the answers
Ed Brodow

Introsucktion—When someone really screws up the intro to your speech
Marilynn Mobley

Keymoat—Space between the speaker and the audience
Steve Waterhouse

NiDough—Speaker to go to if you need bread (both the green & the white kinds)
Christine Clifford

Perkshop—Free workshop the speaker includes to entice a client to book her for a keynote
Marilynn Mobley

Seminarc—Audience member who reports back any questionable seminar activities to the meeting planner
Sarita Maybin

Speaker Snowcase—High-priced opportunity to briefly present your best material to a group of other speakers (and a handful of junior meeting planners who are (1) happy to have a day out of the office and (2) willing to sit through a few speakers before sneaking out of the event to tend to more pressing personal business)
Don Blohowiak

Speaker’s Bureau—Piece of furniture in the speaker’s bedroom that contains videos that are now outdated
Marilynn Mobley

Standing Obligation—Something offered as a charitable gift after every NSA general session speech
Charlie Hawkins and Rebecca Morgan

Woetivational Speaker—Person who motivates others by telling stories about terrible things that have happened to him
Marilynn Mobley

Workshopper—One who “shops” around for the best workshop at a conference, popping in and out at the most inopportune times
Nicole Braddock

Almost Honorable Mention

Bestimonial—Embarrassingly enthusiastic fan letter—unsolicited—from your client that declares you were the top speaker at the conference AND that many attendees report measurable positive results after implementing ideas from your presentation
Don Blohowiak

Caveat Robert—Let the audience beware
Ken Braly and Heidi Richards

Exblurt—One who will talk on anything
Steve Waterhouse

Frapp—Shamelessly self-promoting milkshake
Lawrence Kutner

Free Structure—A speaker’s “rules” for doing an engagement without being paid
Henry Maxwell

Impodium AD—Over-the-counter medication that prevents speakers from running off at the mouth
Sarita Maybin

Inspeechment—Act of removing a poor speaker from the platform
Diane Bolton

Nidoh!—Homer Simpson if he came from Lebanon with 50 bucks in his back pocket
Michael Podolinsky

Nidotorium—Place to listen to a wealthy immigrant speaker
Scott McKain

One-Sheep—Promotional piece aimed at pulling the wool over a client’s eyes
Lawrence Kutner

Plopportunity—Opportunity that just falls into your lap unexpectedly
Marilynn Mobley

Screeneeweenee—Screen far too small for the room or audience
Michael Podolinsky

Seminarararar—Learning environment for pirates
Ken Braly

Shelf Help book—Bad self-help tome that never leaves the bookshelf
Vilis Ozols

Speakling—Professional speaker with weak subject matter: or a first time paid speaker
Mitch Krayton

Testimoanial—Reference who ends up complaining about your work
Steve Waterhouse

SpeakerNet News is produced by Rebecca Morgan and Ken Braly. It is not affiliated with the National Speakers Association. Send comments or suggestions